If you know me personally & have ever had a semi-personal conversation with me, you’ll know that my road to getting a mission call was not easy. I started my paperwork at the end of January & wasn’t able to receive my actual call until mid-August. One of the reasons being that I was a princess of Tooele County & couldn’t leave my royal subjects without finishing my full-term.
“Thank you for being here today”
Another, being that the missionary department didn’t feel that I totally had my anxiety under control. They were right about that. I imagined myself knocking on an investigator’s door & being so terrified of rejection, that I ran away before they even get to the door.
Luckily for all of us (except maybe the comedic value of my future e-mails/letters) I have learned a lot of really great coping skills & life truths. These things were vital for me to learn before I served in the mission field. Although the fact that I can’t gather the courage to tell my boss that I’m going on a mission has me wondering if I’ve really learned that much……..? ….moving on.
Having had to wait so long for a piece of paper that every one else seemed to get so effortlessly was really hard for me. There were times when I was really upset & bitter. There were times (a lot, actually. My good friends can attest to this) that I just wanted to throw in the towel & say that all the waiting, millions of phone calls & tests, not being able to plan for my future simply wasn’t worth it. What, I’m going through all of this just so I can have no sleep, no social life, no Eminem, and no alone time for 18 months? What am I thinking?
I needed to step back. Not for one minute was I going on a mission for myself. There is no fame, riches, or higher exaltation that comes from serving a mission. What DOES come from serving a mission, however, is changed lives & the spread of God’s perfect light. If I don’t end up serving a mission, then that’s okay. God’s will is His will & if I’m not the one that’s supposed to teach HIs children, then He’ll find someone else that can.
That’s what I want everyone in this whole wide world to know. God cares about each & every one of us so individually. He rejoices & cheers for us when we get that job we wanted or that big lead in the musical. He cries with us when we give our heart to those undeserving. He wants every single person in this world to know that & that’s why He sends missionaries out.
It would be a privilege if that’s what He wanted me to do, but if it wasn’t, I know He’d provide just as a fulfilling life for me anyway. That’s what kept me going & trying. Until I got a firm, “No.” from somebody, I was going to continue to act on the prompting that I received that I should submit myself to missionary work. So that’s what I did.
“With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. “Cast not away therefore your confidence.” Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you.“